Black Friday Special: Tesla announces new 4,000 pound outerwear, Model JKT

Tesla’s (TSLA) new 4,000 pound wearable technical shell will soon be available, dubbed Model JKT. The wearable tech features breakthrough technology that allows it to be comfortable from 0 to 100 Fahrenheit, as well as completely wind and waterproof.

man sitting on car front seat
Tesla JKT

The new “wearable car” concept is not only effective for long trips, but also provides incredible weather protection for short trips when you might otherwise wear a winter coat or rain jacket.

The genesis of the concept came from in-car surveys Tesla ran when the car detected that the only use for taking a car on the trip was weather protection. The car asked questions like “Have you considered just using the umbrella in the hall closet?” and “Did you know they sell lights for bicycles?”.

While Tesla expected only yes or no answers to the survey questions, they received vigorous answers from their customers like “Please don’t make me walk”, “What about my hair?”, “This is why I bought a car”, “Sorry, I might sweat” and “Are the liberals behind this?”

Based on the robust customer feedback, Tesla determined there was a viable American market for driveable athletic wear targeted at trips that could be accomplished in 5 to 10 minutes by foot or by bike, or might induce sweating.

According to Tesla, “this vehicle is very well equipped to keep you comfortable for quick trips to the neighborhood grocery, nearby parks, or your friend’s house down the block.”

Beta tester feedback has been enthusiastic. Testers reported that they no longer plan to purchase some of the lightweight weather gear they were considering, and in other cases are selling Patagonia Nano Puff jackets on eBay. On tester commented “It used to be that on really cold days I would wear a heavy wool coat and insulated boots for short trips. With my 4,000 pound wearable Tesla, I can remotely pre-heat it and just take it instead.”

The innovative technology no longer requires choosing between walking or biking with with rain jacket on coat on shorter trips and taking a car for longer trips. Tesla’s 4,000 wearable Model JKT handles even the shortest of trips with the same sedentary ergonomics users love from Autopilot. A Tesla spokesperson said the tech is a new way of thinking about efficient use use of energy and space.

On the surface, it’s wildly inefficient to use a two-ton car to move a 200 pound person a distance that is easily bikeable. Tesla thinks American’s are willing to pay for the convenience of a wearable car.

While some neighborhood coffee shops have started to replace a single car parking spot with parking for 18 bikes, Tesla reports they don’t the inefficient size of the vehicles to impact demand for short trips.

Photo illustrating that bikes, walking and transit are far more space-efficient methods of moving people than a car.